ExPlOrInG mE 3:- NovembeR NighT

Here i am sleeping on the bed of the thorns,
roses covering me as im a corpse.
Waiting for the sun to show up as i await the dawn.
You know sometimes i wonder what i want out of my life.
There are times when i want everything n sometimes it just doesn't even matters
as if those things doesn't even exist.
They call me confused, may be its just that im still trying to figure out what i'm born for. What's the purpose of my birth, ma existence, my being, my living,
my waking up in the night, my staying here awake tonight.
I try not to smoke another but fall short of a second n took another drag of my 7th smoking stick, its 2a.m n i want to sleep coz i can't face no more of me but insomania prevails my life.
I wanna stop my wandering thoughts but they are vulnerable.
I wanna lead a life just like any other normal person,
but normalcy has changed its meaning for me.
I try to stub the butt of my smoke as asthama calls my life
but in vain coz death is what i seek resort in.
I mean no looser here but just a wish to set myself free, free from myself.
I wanna sleep now have to go to college tommorrow but my souls howls at the moon light, i don't want them. I wanna calm myself down but the blood rushes in their own ground.
My heart seeks forgiveness from the way i am and i wish i could help it
but it ain't in control of myself. I light up again just to become ashes by the dawn but i know it ain't that easy to die, just as all other wishes that never got fulfilled this wish to be in despair.
I try stop writing this but its not me who's making me do it.
My eyes have become sore, my fingers have become numb.
thoughts in my head run awild n i'm trying to be myself but i loose it all to the darkness in me.